Far from the expectation that I can still hear his voice saying my name, that I can still feel his embrace, I saw him for the first time, and for the last time; on his coffin.
Last Sunday, November 3, Before the afternoon sunday service ended, my mom texted me to go home as early as I can to go with her in Laguna. While travelling home, my tears kept falling as if I knew what she's gonna tell me. "Diba gusto mo sya makita?" she asked me that question after I ate dinner. (I cant just stop from crying because somehow, I can sense she's about to tell me something about my dad.) And when she said he died, all I want to do that moment was to rush in Laguna so I can see him. My body was shaking. I couldn't think of anything except of going to Laguna that night. I texted few close friends about what happened. I grabbed my bible, prayed. And read the word of God. Above anyone else who wants to give me comfort that time, I know, It's Him.
Nothing is as heartbreaking as knowing that the only time I could see my dad, was on his burial. It makes me feel hopeless. There will be no more chance of hugging him, eating dinner, saying I love him. And what breaks my heart more is that, he couldn't call me "anak". He didn't had a chance to see me, for 23 years.
I wouldn't blame anyone about what happened. I wouldn't blame my mom that she didn't let me see tatay while he's still living. I wouldn't blame tatay that he didn't look for me. God allows these things for a good reason. And for whatever reason it may be, I know sooner, God will reveal it. I would not look for any father-image, Because God, my father, has been perfect father to our family. Providing for all our needs. Protecting us, Loving us unconditionally.
And another thing, while mourning, I couldn't help not to be amazed how God words came true. Last February, when I celebrated my 22nd Birthday, God promised that this year, I'll be seeing my dad. This has been the word of God to me since then.
The Lord answered, “I can do anything! Watch and you’ll see my words come true.” Numbers 11:23
Praise the Faithful Lord! Who's always true to His Promises.
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