Its really hard for me to admit what I'm dealing with myself right now. While being prideful and selfish is easy to acknowledge, I'm having a hard time admitting that I am insecure.
I seldom talked to God for the past days, acting like a rebellious daughter and being so
jealous about everyone around me. I knew myself very well that I always see the brighter
side of all things. But with what's happening now, I'm almost freaked out because I am left behind.
Left behind. I guess that what's make me feel insecure. Its when the world turns so fast and I was there at the bottom. Its when everyone is becoming busy and I'm just waiting for them to pick me up so I can fit in. Its when I can't catch up things because everyone is in the top.
I know that these things were just lies created inside my mind. Some might sound true.
Some are pure lies. And it becomes bigger than what actually it was until I woke up being
consumed by it. Wrong move. But no matter how I defined it as big as I thought it was, I know one thing is sure. My God, who created the heaven and earth, is much
bigger than all my insecurities combined.
I am known for being optimistic. People around me admire me for being positive at all time. Little did they know, I am swallowed by my negativity most of the time. But I keep what's
written in Philippians 4:17 in my heart "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, what ever is lovely if anything is excellent or praiseworthy think about such thing".
Thinking I'm left behind is just a lie. God, who said He Has a great plan for me, plans to
prosper me and not to harm me is a faithful God. Who is always true to all His promises.
And I believe, where I am today is still part of his plan for me. Whether I'm least or I'm on
This is what I'm dealing with myself now. And dealing with my insecurities isn't an over night process. I could feel secured today and might feel be insecure again tomorrow. But it makes me glad that I'm not doing this alone because God is at work changing me glory to glory.
And there comes grace.